eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
