I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
