alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
