I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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