You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am midnight drunk by noon
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
