I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
