the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
