sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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