why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
