I don't think brook has ever known best
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
