someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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