I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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