chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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