You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
