I met the friendliest cop last night
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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