Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
