no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
