At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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