careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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