not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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