Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
