birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
