Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You left your phone here
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