I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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