1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
