Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
