Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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