Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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