Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
