Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
