yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just pee around me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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