Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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