is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
