Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
