I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
