how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
