I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
