pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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