I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
