Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
