All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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