I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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