I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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