after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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