There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
