How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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