you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
