Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
