She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
