3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
