I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
