I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
birth control should be required to get into college
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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