I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
