she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
