Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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