Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
