you would pick up someone in the library
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
