We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
