Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
