Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
