omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
