i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
