I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
