Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
