What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
