I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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