hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
