it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this just has baby written all over it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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