I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
