chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
