everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
