god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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