Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pants are for mortals
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
