You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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