apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I look better un-naked...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
