That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
