tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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