I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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